Artistic Supporter

It has been awhile since I posted. When last I posted, Africa had only fallen partway into chaos...

I just spent DAYS helping to jury a studio tour. It is a really cool event, and I am serving my second year on the planning committee. This is one of my volunteer roles in the community. Today, I estimated my total hours spent on this committee, and I estimated around 110 hours over the course of the event. That is a lot of hours, for no pay.

My husband asked me this evening, as I prepared for an art modeling gig, why I enjoy doing it. I spent five minutes attempting to answer his question, and finally had to give up. I thought about it as I sat still and said nothing for twenty minute blocks tonight.

I think I like art modeling for the same reason I like the studio tour. I cannot be an artist, so I am an artistic supporter. Yes, I am an artist- in performing and literary arts. (Okay, maybe it is an arrogant stretch to claim literary artist yet.) But, that is not quite what I mean.

I have always loved visual art. I remember starving myself for a 24 hour period so I could go look at art the way Hemingway did in A Moveable Feast. Granted, he was starving for real when he went to the Louvre, and I was a silly 16 year old girl looking at a summer college art show. I spend birthday money on art, and acting money, and sometimes, the Husband's money.... I attend art show openings whenever I can, and freely admit to spending part of a girl's weekend away in DC... at the Freer Gallery.

I sketch. I took a costume design class in college, and learned most of the art techniques I possess in that class. I learned how to render a human figure, mix colors, and draw clothing. It was a good class. I sketch the clothing I try to describe in my writing, and I often sketch the costumes for my theatre classes. I spent a few years (pre-baby) carrying around a pad and pencils, sketching nature, people, and objects. I would love to take a drawing class.

I dabble, let's be honest. I like it, but there are only so many things a girl can tackle, and tackle well. The last several days, I spent time discussing various artists' work with two women who ARE artists. I can see a piece of pottery and know that I like it. These ladies can look at it, and understand the skill involved, the process used, how it was glazed, if mistakes were made, etc. I learned just from listening to their critiques. And I learn while art modeling for open sessions and classes. The artists discuss their work, both the artistic and the business aspects. The teachers discuss choices or mistakes their students make, and work with them to improve their craft.

I just sit there, quiet, not moving... but listening. And I love it. Even now, as I sit here with my neck stiff and sore, with cosmetics still on my face, I can honestly admit that I might do it for free. If the right artist asked, if the opportunity was interesting enough, I probably would...

...well, unless it was nude modeling. Yeah, I don't do that, even for a paycheck.

Boards and Zombies

So, I am an arts volunteer. I also serve on a board. I do a lot of work. I attend lots of meetings. I write and review grants for arts organizations. I read and answer (and ignore) lots of emails regarding the arts. Hell, I have even lobbied for the arts. I feel good for volunteering in my community, and for putting my skills and knowledge to good use. After all, we have no souls without the arts.

See, that explains a lot about me. I believe that without the arts, we are just mindless zombies. And, for those of you who think the arts are just opera and indecipherable paintings... think about your day.

Listen to the radio? The music you listen to is art. Oh, you only listen to the news? Well, who the &#$@ do you think creates the background music, or designs the ads that PAY for the news? Artists. Who reads the news? People whose voice IS their art.

Oh, so you don't listen to the radio? Watch television or films? Art! Read magazines? Books? Oh, don't waste time with that stuff? Well, do you think the guys who designed your computer were only thinking function? They were also thinking about making something that you might actually want to look at when it was not on.

Anyway... I could go on and on... and I think kinda just did.

This rant is to remind myself why I keep working on it. I am an artist. I support artists. I have to remind myself that what I am doing is worthy of my efforts. And I have to remind myself that the show must go on.

I begin to wonder, however... perhaps the show will go on without me.

I have been serving for almost six years on this arts council. I am tired. There has been so much change. There has been unpleasantness. It hasn't always been fun. My term on the board ends in October... and I want to finish it. The end is in sight.

But, will I crawl back under my log at that point? I didn't grow up with volunteerism. As I am a lapsed Catholic, the guilt to give to others, to be selfless, is strong. This is my service.

However, this is the year of deciding what I am NOT gonna do, remember? Do I finish my term, and call it even? Do I continue volunteering in the arts community, or allow myself to get shangai'ed into another board? This weighs on me.

I have decisions to make. If I am only doing this for duty, then I have become a zombie in spite of myself. And, just now, as I write this and postpone doing some arts volunteer related work, I kinda feel like this. Both the zombie... and the poor bloke running from the zombie.

So, this zombie sadly signs off, to go eat some brains... the brains being my own. Sigh.

(wah wah wah, poor little whiney-butt)