Supposedly, writing a list of stress factors can help bring them to manageable proportions. Here is my list of things that are stressing me out. I hope that writing them down will set them loose into the internet, where they can spawn and create a worm that will infect the very lifeblood of Monsanto.
- Sleep-- I am not sleeping well, and taking lots of pills to try to make sure I am sleeping. I am not sure the pills are getting me good sleep, but they do make me sleep....if I've taken enough of them.
- Medical-- I had an ER visit recently. I had some chest pains-- probably not heart related. I have a stress test soon, and my regular GP put me on anti-heartburn medication. In addition, I need to get to the eye doctor (18 months since last visit). The Husband probably needs some dental work done. My son's belly is still distended, and it should have healed by now. And we keep having minor medical expenses to the tune of $200-$500-- they add up.
- Move-- I am moving in about 60 days. Have not packed a single damn box. Why? Well, I didn't want to live with a bunch of boxes, thinking a normal looking household would be a better choice for living. Yeah, it looks pretty, but it also stresses me out...all those empty boxes, just waiting to be filled. "Fill me!" On top of that, the house we are in is about to be on the market for rent... which means I have to have the house nice for that.
- Money-- I have no right to be stressed about it, I guess. There are people in this country who are un- and under-employed. People are buried in underwater mortgages, credit card debt, student loans, and no savings. We have no debt, are downsizing, and have a decent sum in savings. But we used to have LOTS more in savings. We have two cars which are 15 years old, and groceries are more expensive than ever. A lot of my clothes are old (ie, don't fit, have little or big holes, etc) and then there is the medical stuff. So, I am stressed about it.
- IRS-- We just got a letter from the IRS, claiming that we owe like $8K in unpaid taxes and penalties. We were sensible in 2010 and finally rolled all our various retirement accounts into a single account. One of the rollovers was reported as taxable income to the IRS... so it looks like we got a huge sum of money. And we didn't. I understand it is all a matter of filling out the forms and such, but FUCK... You get a letter from the IRS demanding more than I have earned in any year since my son was born, and tell me that your heart isn't leaping out of your chest.
- Book-- good god, I want to finish my book. If I can edit 15 pages or so a week, I will finish by the time school ends. But after that, I will get NO regular writing time until September. Unless I can manage to begin writing at night again. I just don't know how, especially with a move looming, and a summer camp planned in July. I really want to finish-- I know it can be published, and will be good.
- Volunteer-- I am still active in the community, but it is hard work, and I am not enthusiastic about it right now. I really should make this my last time... but then what am I doing for the community? And what else do I have to show for myself in this time. Everyone says motherhood is noble/ necessary/ etc. But no one PAYS you for it, and potential employers look down their noses at it. And I have to do something until the Boy is in school full time... unless my book sells.
- App-- The phone app is fun to work on. But it is work. And it is unpaid work for now, and maybe forever, unless we can increase sales. So, all that writing and entering is free. And after the move, I will no longer be able to just walk two houses down to work with my partner. I will have to drive across town.
- Work-- My theatre class is not stressing me exactly, but there is a lot of work to do that requires me to focus and be creative... and I can neither well until I can let stuff go.
- Politics-- The War on Women, the attack on the environment, the economy... I actually have to make myself STOP reading the news sometimes, or logging on to Faceborg. I try to have a wide variety of friends- they range from libertarians to socialists, radical feminist lesbians to religious conservatives. It used to be nice, because I would be exposed to a lot of different ideas and perspectives. Food for thought, ya know? Now... I just get scared. The hate and anger and fear have reached terrifying levels. Where are all the moderates? Running scared, just like me.
But I am still stressed.
