Writing and Boob Jobs

Husband has been on the laptop, surfing, I guess.  I haven't been paying attention.  He notices me busily typing on my birthday present, a Kindle with keyboard.

Husband:  You like your birthday present?
Me:  I love it!
Husband:  So, you browsing Amazon or something?  Don't spend too much, ha ha!
Me:  No, I am working on my book.
Husband:  (finally looking up from the laptop, where he's been looking at  motorcycle pictures on Faceborg .  Don't know why--he'll be able to get a motorcycle the day after he buries me.) Wait.  You uploaded your book onto the Kindle?
Me:  Yeah!  I love reading it there!  It is so cool--
Husband:  You are just reading it?
Me:  Well, not really.  I am editing it.
Husband:  You are still editing it?
Me:  This is more about sentence structure, and verb agreement--
Husband:  Verb agreement?
Me:  Well, two revisions ago, I played around with writing it in present tense, so I missed stuff--
Husband:  In the last round of edits.
Me:  No!  In the last revision!
Husband:  What is the difference between editing and revising?
Me:  Hmmmm.  (thinking hard about how to answer this) Revising is making changes to the body of the literature.  Editing is making corrections.
Husband:  Okaayyy.
Me:  Oh!  See, revising is like getting a boob job, and editing is more like just wearing a better bra.
Husband:  ...I'm sorry, what?
Me:  Okay, bad example.  Revising my book involves me changing characters, or expanding scenes, or fleshing out backgrounds.
Husband:  Uh-huh.
Me:  And editing is fixing sentence structure.  Or something.
Husband:  So...
Me:  I started a revision back in January that didn't work out-- the whole present tense thing.  But I canned that and just went with making the story told from Elena's point of view, in first person.
Husband:  And...
Me:  I finished that in August, and now I am doing the last round of edits, so I can send it out again.  I am hoping by November?
Husband:  Okay.
Me:  So, yeah.  I am editing.
Husband:  ...Do you want a boob job?

Thank you for the Kindle.

Stress

I am stressed.  I need to learn to let things go.  Seriously.  I am cranky, and unable to sleep, and don't enjoy my meals.  I enjoy my wine, but that could also be the company.  I am daydreaming constantly, and reading to escape.

Supposedly, writing a list of stress factors can help bring them to manageable proportions.  Here is my list of things that are stressing me out.  I hope that writing them down will set them loose into the internet, where they can spawn and create a worm that will infect the very lifeblood of Monsanto.

1. Sleep-- I am not sleeping well, and taking lots of pills to try to make sure I am sleeping.  I am not sure the pills are getting me good sleep, but they do make me sleep....if I've taken enough of them.
2. Medical-- I had an ER visit recently.  I had some chest pains-- probably not heart related.  I have a stress test soon, and my regular GP put me on anti-heartburn medication.  In addition, I need to get to the eye doctor (18 months since last visit).  The Husband probably needs some dental work done.  My son's belly is still distended, and it should have healed by now.  And we keep having minor medical expenses to the tune of $200-$500-- they add up.
3. Move-- I am moving in about 60 days.  Have not packed a single damn box.  Why?  Well, I didn't want to live with a bunch of boxes, thinking a normal looking household would be a better choice for living.  Yeah, it looks pretty, but it also stresses me out...all those empty boxes, just waiting to be filled.  "Fill me!"  On top of that, the house we are in is about to be on the market for rent... which means I have to have the house nice for that.
4. Money-- I have no right to be stressed about it, I guess.  There are people in this country who are un- and under-employed.  People are buried in underwater mortgages, credit card debt, student loans, and no savings.  We have no debt, are downsizing, and have a decent sum in savings.  But we used to have LOTS more in savings.  We have two cars which are 15 years old, and groceries are more expensive than ever.  A lot of my clothes are old (ie, don't fit, have little or big holes, etc) and then there is the medical stuff.  So, I am stressed about it.
5. IRS-- We just got a letter from the IRS, claiming that we owe like $8K in unpaid taxes and penalties.  We were sensible in 2010 and finally rolled all our various retirement accounts into a single account.  One of the rollovers was reported as taxable income to the IRS... so it looks like we got a huge sum of money.  And we didn't.  I understand it is all a matter of filling out the forms and such, but FUCK... You get a letter from the IRS demanding more than I have earned in any year since my son was born, and tell me that your heart isn't leaping out of your chest.
6. Book-- good god, I want to finish my book.  If I can edit 15 pages or so a week, I will finish by the time school ends.  But after that, I will get NO regular writing time until September.  Unless I can manage to begin writing at night again.  I just don't know how, especially with a move looming, and a summer camp planned in July.  I really want to finish-- I know it can be published, and will be good.  
7. Volunteer-- I am still active in the community, but it is hard work, and I am not enthusiastic about it right now.  I really should make this my last time... but then what am I doing for the community?  And what else do I have to show for myself in this time.  Everyone says motherhood is noble/ necessary/ etc.  But no one PAYS you for it, and potential employers look down their noses at it.  And I have to do something until the Boy is in school full time... unless my book sells.
8. App-- The phone app is fun to work on.  But it is work.  And it is unpaid work for now, and maybe forever, unless we can increase sales.  So, all that writing and entering is free.  And after the move, I will no longer be able to just walk two houses down to work with my partner.  I will have to drive across town.  
9. Work-- My theatre class is not stressing me exactly, but there is a lot of work to do that requires me to focus and be creative... and I can neither well until I can let stuff go. 
10. Politics-- The War on Women, the attack on the environment, the economy... I actually have to make myself STOP reading the news sometimes, or logging on to Faceborg.  I try to have a wide variety of friends- they range from libertarians to socialists, radical feminist lesbians to religious conservatives.  It used to be nice, because I would be exposed to a lot of different ideas and perspectives.  Food for thought, ya know?  Now... I just get scared.  The hate and anger and fear have reached terrifying levels.  Where are all the moderates?  Running scared, just like me.

So, there they are.  All my stress factors.  Not a terrible list, I guess.  I mean, I didn't actually HAVE  heart attack, did I?  I don't have to get a transvaginal probe, and the IRS issue will be resolved without having to write a check for $8K.

But I am still stressed.

Fear

I don't know that I have experienced a low grade fear before.  Sure, I have felt a swift burst of terror when the car in front of me suddenly brakes, and I jam on mine, hoping that my car will stop in time.  And I remember dreading the moment my dad found out about... well, I don't know if he ever found out.  I feel anguish when my son wakes up coughing and screaming because he cannot breathe.  That happened just last week.

I am going to throw politics aside for a moment.  Whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, please feel the low grade rumble in my belly, the chills running down my spine when I can no longer distract myself.

Virginia just passed a law requiring all women who want abortions to undergo an ultrasound.  Initially, I was merely irritated-- it is medically unnecessary and expensive (especially since I suspect most insurance will not cover it).  It seemed like an annoyance, but oh well.  But then I read the details.  This is not the cold goop on the belly, rubbed in by the ultrasound wand.  The law requires a transvaginal ultrasound.  If you won't look at the picture, then know that a tube is inserted into the vagina and moved around to produce a lot of images.

I had one, once.  I remember discomfort, and thinking that if felt like a good size dildo was penetrating me.  I had mine for diagnostic purposes.  My doctor recommended it to me, my insurance approved of the procedure, and I participated in it of my own free will.

Now, women who have chosen to undergo an abortion for any reason will be forced to be vaginally penetrated by this unnecessary procedure... and if they choose NOT to look, they have to sign a waiver.  And then they still cannot get the abortion until after a waiting period.

I was outraged, and said so in probably over-emotional and slightly incoherent emails to my state representatives down in Richmond.  Still, angry and all, it didn't directly effect me, because I don't have to worry about an unexpected pregnancy, thanks to my trusty Mirena.

But then the House went one further...  They passed a Personhood Law.  Once sperm meets an egg, that cell is granted full rights as a person.  House Bill 1 makes it criminal to harm that 'person'.

Let me give you a rundown on how this makes me a criminal.  My IUD prevents implantation.  The practical explanation basically is that I don't build up the uterine lining a fertilized egg needs to grow (and I don't get periods!  TMI?  Sorry).  There is also a lot of cervical mucus, which sperm does not like.  No problem, right?  Well, see, it does NOT prevent me from ovulating.  So, in theory, one of my eggs, traveling through an environment utterly hostile to implantation, could potentially meet a sperm.

Do I think this is a form of abortion?  No.  Do I see this as a healthy alternative to taking BCP?  Yes.

Well, the Commonwealth of Virginia says otherwise.  "All stages of development" is pretty broad.

So, yeah, I am suddenly a little scared.  I took down a Facebook rant about it-- more because I realized I am too angry to have a coherent discussion about it right now.  I wanted to write another angry letter to my reps... and then wondered if they will be keeping a list of women who admit to using IUDs like mine.   So I kept silent.

And all of a sudden, I was terrified that I thought I ought to keep silent.  Low grade fear.  If this gets signed into law, will they simply prevent doctors from prescribing new ones?   Can a woman go over the border into Maryland, Washington DC, or West Virginia to get one?  Or will she be charged upon crossing back to Virginia?  Will they go after women who already have one?  My Mirena is a 5 year implant, and I just got my new one a few months ago!

Maybe you think I am being melodramatic.  It could be.  I am an actress, after all.  But the fear I feel is real.  I joked yesterday about moving to West Virginia.  This is like The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood.  I have never felt like this, as an American citizen.  I felt sorry for American Muslims after 9/11, that they had to bear the brunt of so much unfounded and  misdirected hostility.  I have sympathized with gays for years, because their supposed 'sins' are certainly no worse than the average person's.  Likewise, I have been horrified by the news reports of human rights violations so prevalent in many parts of the world.  But I don't think I ever really got it.  Nothing brought it home.  This did.

In anger, I posted on FB,  "Virginia, get out of my vagina!"

Now, I think, "head down and shut up."

Snownami? Bless you!

Okay, so the weather has been lame so far. Yeah, we had the Thundersnow, which was kinda cool. We did get like 8-10 inches of snow dumped on top of a thin sheet of ice. Yeah, the kids were out of school for four days.

But that was no Snowpocalypse.

I see from the weather forecast that there is NO snow predicted at all. You do realize that President's Day is coming, right? We always have bad snows between Valentine's Day and President's Day. You aren't going to actually pay attention to that dumb ass groundhog, right? 'Cuz, we want our pants

DROWNING in that white stuff, okay?

I want to dig a snow tunnel for the Boy. I want to have to dig snow trenches so my dog will be willing to go outside to pee. I want to be grateful that I shop in bulk, and have like five gallons of organic milk frozen in my freezer, right next to the packages of dead animal that the Husband bagged last December.

Yup. It is official. I think I may have to finally hand in my Texas birth certificate. I actually know what winter looks like, and I kinda like it.

In other news. The Boy and I went to the library today and checked out a bunch of books. Most were for him. Dang, that kids loves to read. It pleases me to see him lost in his books (it means I have longer to be lost in mine.)

My new books were all... about vampires. I shit you not. The next two Sookie Stackhouse books, and then the next two Anita Blake books (those will take no time at all, since I know how to skim LKH's books). Additionally, I requested The Strain, another vampire book.

Sensing a theme? I don't know why I read them. Well, probably the same reason I read Douglas Adams, or Stephen King. Sometimes, I want to be transported to another world, and I like being a little scared of things that aren't real. Makes reality a little easier to deal with.

Not that I ever get scared by any of this now. Stephen, you have let me down. I had to put down The Shining when I first read it. Same with Salem's Lot. Didn't get scared by The Dome. Sorry. And Doug is dead, so I cannot berate him. Although, dammit, his description of Ronald Reagan STILL gives me the creeps.

Okay, so, back to winter. I am good on reading material. I am good on writing material. (The editing is done, I think. I will be contacting a handful of special folks out there...)

...and really? I was kidding about the snow days. A five day Snowpocalypse would ruin my writing routine. So, make sure you hit on a Friday evening, okay? That way the Boy can get to school on Monday.

Thanks...

A Weird Week, With Vampires

I think I hate winter weather- three snow days this week! It interrupts my writing. I must also hate company... it also interrupts my writing. Life interrupts my writing.

But, I am reading. I have checked out several books from the library. You may wonder, if I have the time to read, why can I not write? Well, I can pick up a book and put it down. I don't have the be in the mood to read. I don't have to have silence, or a computer, no boy jumping on me. You get the picture.

The Enchantment of Lily Dahl blew big time. I kept wondering why I kept reading. I kept hoping it would get better. I kept being irritated at the writing. "Oh, I mention a burp, and a tampon! Oh, I am a serious writer! Let me add an amateurish detail about someone's past! Oh, wow, I am writing." It did make me feel better about my own chances of getting published, lemme tell ya.

I Am Legend was a revelation. This is a good writer and a good storyteller. I love a good story. This book was a collection of short stories, and the title novella. (Will Smith movie, you might remember it.) I can totally see how Stephen King (a darn good storyteller) learned from this writer. Richard Matheson. I will be reading more of his work, and have A Stir of Echoes in my bag right now. I love finding new authors... (not like that Suri Hustvedt who wrote that POS I mentioned. Gees, that author pissed me off with crappy writing... I am ranting.)

Dead Until Dark is the first of the Sookie Stackhouse series-- the books that True Blood is based upon. Nice vampire world storytelling, and not bogged down in the sex (unlike Laurel K. Hamilton, the woman who brought us a 90 paged sex scene that kinda sorta had something to do with the plot? Gawd, really, 90 pages. Cuz, we need to know each and every... sorry, ranting again, and I have learned how to skim her novels anyway.) So, the writing is light, and funny without overdoing it, and the plot skips along without feeling like you are bouncing from Important Scene to Important Scene. I like her characters so far....

The Passage is what I am reading right now. Wow. More of a vampire sci-fi tale so far, but man, can you get caught up in this. He is like a slightly more literary King. By that I mean, he tells a good story, and gets you caught up in the characters and the plot, but he also has a kind of Serious Author feel to him. This books reminds me somewhat of The Stand. I just wish he had a good editor.

Which brings me to my next rant. I come across so many fucking typos in novels!! It makes me a little insane. Now, the translations I read: Carlos Ruis Zafon, Isabel Allende, Arturo Perez Reverte... nary a typo. It makes me crazy to see typos. Laurel K. Hamilton? Typos all over the place. She even changes the spelling of character names in her series! Makes me insane!

Okay. Wow. Quite a bit of ranting going on. Lots of insanity. Maybe I need to put down the vampire books. Cuz, I just realized that the three books I mention... all have vampires. Gonna go suck down an iron pill.

Oh, and I don't recommend The Enchantment of Lily Dahl. No vampires.