Irony

I vowed here to give up acting, right? I read it here. And here. I shared how suddenly I got some offers. Granted, they were for unpaid work. But, still, there they were. But that was gonna be it, right?

And then I checked my email that afternoon.... "Blah blah blah. Hey, will you be one of the actors in the new Christmas Follies?"

And then this week. "Hi, I own a murder mystery company,and would like to bring you on board, if you are interested."

So, here, I publicly declare: I no longer want a million dollars. Nope. I will give up my dream of a million dollars.

Oh, wait. That doesn't work. I have to reluctantly give up something that I care about, like acting, in hopes that the itch of something new, like writing, will be scratched. Remember what this blog is about, remember? "Not Doing It"

I really enjoy writing, and feel great satisfaction when I am writing. I feel this low grade urge ALL THE PHUCKING TIME to dive back into The General's Heir and finish that mutherphucker. I also have this new writing idea about zombies. I know, old hat now, but the itch doesn't care. This idea is simmering just like The General's Heir did. How I want to dig in...

And yet, acting calls, if you can call the clamoring a 'call'. More like a brick of noise to the side of the head. I won't do the follies, I think. One, I don't really want to, even if I love the producer. Two, really, if I am going to get pulled out of my writing from now on, it DAMN well better be for a paycheck. I am a mercenary, if nothing else. Or maybe a whore? Ha! I can see it now....

ME: Sorry, honey, no sex tonight-- I have to write.

HIM: Write? But I just put on the camo briefs you like!

ME: Think of this as my job. Just like the acting gigs.

HIM: Nope.

ME: What?

HIM: You are gonna have to spell it out for me. If I'm not getting any tonight, you have to explain.

ME: Okay, so, when I am sitting at the computer from 8-12 tonight, I am writing my book.

HIM: I thought you were finished with it!

ME: You are right. I am trying to finish the edits!

HIM: How is this like the acting gigs? I haven't seen you depositing any checks.

ME: Think about it like the rehearsals for the acting gigs. The paycheck just comes a little later.

HIM: I can buy that, I guess. But what is your time worth?

ME: Huh?

HIM: So, you have an acting gig. How much do you get paid?

ME: A hundred, I think, usually.

HIM: Huh. And how long are you gone when doing the acting gig?

ME: Oh, the usual? Two hours for the actual gig, but add another two for travel. So, four hours?

Him: So, you get twenty-five an hour for your time. Is that right?

ME: ...Well, I guess... when you put it like that...

HIM: And that doesn't include the rehearsal time, does it?

ME: ...Not as such...

HIM: 'Cause, hell, I have a twenty in my wallet, and we can be done in half an hour.

ME: ...Uh...

HIM: And, I will throw in a big O for you! You cannot get that kind of satisfaction from your paid gigs!

ME: ...But I am an Artist!

HIM: Artists gotta eat. Or, well, you know what I mean.

ME: But-

HIM: And you won't have to travel any farther than upstairs. And when we are done, you can go back downstairs and write!

ME: But I have to be in the right frame of mind, in the zone! I cannot just get on the computer and go through the motions, and fake it....

HIM: Uh-huh? What were you about to say?

ME: ...Um, get upstairs. And I will put on the sexy shoes.

(Apologies to the Hubby. He is incredibly supportive. Oh, and Happy Birthday to me. I am officially old now.)

Progress

First thing, dear Readers. Many of you have complained about the comment verification thing. I will attempt to dislodge it. I did add an easy feature, kinda like 'liking' on Faceborg.

Well. I did it. I sent my resignation letter. Even that made me anxious. I cannot wait 'til June 13. I believe I made a good decision, but I cannot help but worry about it. What can I say? I am a worrier.

The title of this post is 'Progress'. I believe I am making progress toward Plan 1: "Figure out what you are NOT going to do, make it happen, and move on."

-I have put my acting on hold for now. I can come back to it someday, but now is my time.

-I have set an end date for my arts volunteering. I may continue to serve, but not on the board.

And, on the positive side of my plan, I have settled into a nice writing place. I have been hard at work editing, simmering ideas, and strengthening my work. I have written a short play, a few short stories, and keep on working on the novel. Additionally, I have attended a writing workshop, and am part of a newly formed writing group. We just had our first meeting on Friday, and I got some good feedback.

I will admit, I am a little worried about this summer. The Boy is done with school at the end of May, and that means my 7.5 hours writing a week will be gone. I am scheduled to teach 5 weeks this summer, and during that time, I will make little or no progress on my novel. Before the end of June, I need to re-write a short play, and create a new melodrama... from scratch. Writing it will be... but not what I want to be doing. I am torn, frankly. I want to teach this summer-- it is my best earning period-- but I also kinda find myself hoping that maybe one class won't make.

Which brings me back to the last outside activity that steals my time and mental energies. Teaching. I love the teaching-- it keeps me in the theatre world, and challenges me. But, one of the pearls of wisdom I gathered from my writing workshop was this: Make writing a priority or don't.

Should I jettison EVERYTHING to give this my hardest effort? It would not be a bad thing to get this finally off my plate, and see if it is worth my time. Hell, if I could sell it in the next year, it would certainly come at a good time. My husband and I just agreed to rent our house for one more year, and that would get the Boy through his last year of preschool. If the book sold well enough, it could help us afford to buy what we are holding out for: a modest home on 10+ acres. (10, so the Husband can hunt, and I can garden.) It would be nice to be able to buy a new car (or two) since our cars are both approaching fifteen years...

I will have to think on it. In the meantime, I need to work on the 'move on' part of shedding the arts council. I woke up at 2AM this morning, and didn't go back to sleep until after 5AM.

Move on.

Walking and Theatre

Well, today was the first day on the treadmill. As expected, my right knee stiffened up. But, I took it easy, and don't see that doing this is gonna be a problem. I have been really good the past week and a half about at least getting out with the Boy and the Dog, so I should be on track for good walking soon. I have missed walking. The weather has been a bitch in the last few months, but using the gym at the local rec center seems to be a good solution. When the weather warms, and the days are longer, I can get back into the neighborhood, and hit the trail again. Yippee. (Plan 2, going well!!)

Now, theatre. I have been fortunate for the last several years, to be part of a traveling murder mystery theatre company. There were 5 or 6 shows in repertory. A client would book the show, the producer, Laurie Dunlap would then book the necessary actors. We would show up 2 hours before the show, load in, do the show, load out, get a check, and drive home. This was the perfect gig for me- a stay at home mum who really didn't feel able to take off long periods of time for rehearsals, etc. Not lazy, just focused on the Boy.

Well, the perfect gig died. Rather, Laurie contracted a horrible blood cancer, and passed away in less than 6 months. There was confusion, I guess, about how to keep the company alive, and it is gone. I valued this gig-- it kept my skills up, it got me out of the house, I got paid, and I enjoyed almost all of the company members. And, most importantly, it allowed me to continue being a working actor.

Last gig was in August. I miss it. I have grieved. I am trying to figure out if I want to get back into it all-- headshots, auditions, driving forever... I love acting. I love auditioning. But it was so nice, so convenient, not having to do all the looking for a job.

A friend (who does audition, and drives forever, and gets paid) has been encouraging me to get out and just do it again. Get a new headshot done, update the resume, and at least do the local cattle call auditions. He actually has a gig in mind for me. (I wish HE was the casting director!!) If only I could just go audition for it.... But in this area, you cannot just go audition for a show. No, no, you have to be invited to audition... and in order to get that invite, you have to be seen...

It all makes me wonder... am I really wanting to be a working actor? I have lots of excuses and reasons why not. I am clearly not ready to just throw in the towel, and STOP acting. I need to either do the work: get a headshot done, update the resume, and get to the cattle call... or I just need to let it go for now.

Not deciding tonight. There are other factors to consider in the equation--an invitation to join a similar company that is forming; and a long-simmering idea of forming my own theatre company.

But enough for now. I am currently an out-of-work actor. It sucks. But at least I am walking again.